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radio presenter elicited from the woman caller: no matter was grappling with the Women in the Episcopacy Bill in
how the response is couched, it is still the same gut reaction 2013, I found myself writing a piece of interactive theatre
of someone unable to take in the argument of another. for its July meeting. In order to do this, I had to put myself
When I saw that the ‘Living in Love and Faith’ in the place of each of the groups in the contentious debate,
resources were being handed out to parishes throughout and faithfully present its argument and feelings through the
3
the Church of England, I sighed because I thought mouth of a character in the play.
they were probably dead in the water already. A wiser It was an interesting and powerful experience. By the
friend who’s had a great deal of experience working in end of it, I found my understanding of, and compassion
reconciliation, described the process as being a ‘battle for each of these groups of people had grown significantly,
between the righteous and the just’. and with this my relationships with the people who
The ‘righteous’ might coincide with Haidt’s belonged to them became better, more trusting. It wasn’t
conservatives, the just with his ‘liberals’. And the policy just my relationships that changed, though. During the
of asking people to sit down and discuss nicely on a topic performance, which involved members of the audience
that not only polarises them, but has the potential to cause coming onto the stage and changing the course of the
play, there were some
beautiful and powerful
interventions. One stands
out to me especially.
The man had sat at
the back of the audience,
so he wasn’t planning on
participating. However,
as the performance
progressed, something
struck him and he rose
to his feet and came
onto the stage. He chose
the seat of the actor
playing the conservative
evangelical character,
one he identified with,
and proceeded to tell the
actor playing the women
priest how sorry he
was for the pain he had
caused her.
The atmosphere in
the hall became full of
emotion, and some of us
fought back tears: this
was real reconciliation in
action before our eyes.
He hadn’t changed his
significant hurt and damage as uncontrolled Elephants theological position, nor would he: what he had grasped,
career around meeting rooms dragging powerless riders was that the debate could continue without the fear and
along, didn’t fill me with a great deal of hope. To use a anger that had so far accompanied it, and that he could help
splendid Irish phrase, ‘If I were wanting to go there, I that to happen.
wouldn’t start from here.’ He saw her Elephant, and she saw his Elephant, and
In fact, the real problem might be that someone all the Elephants in the room witnessed it, and this was
elsewhere appears to have decided where ‘there’ might be enough: the Elephants felt seen and became calm, and the
for people, before they’ve even had a chance to consider the debate could continue without the animosity.
question. While those setting the process in motion are not So perhaps Church debates can be kinder, more
admitting they have done so. Elephants can spot something productive, if we start by acknowledging that the Elephants
like that from a mile away. are in the room, and need to know that we see them and
Photo Credit: amer ghazzal/Alamy Stock Photo
that we care about them.
A different approach
So, how might we begin to engage with people who are
a bit different from us? How do we get our Elephants 1 John 17:21.
to meet without having a fight? How do we approach a 2 The Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt, published by Penguin 2013, ISBN
9780141039169.
dialogue on a topic we passionately disagree about, and not 3 www.churchofengland.org/resources/living-love-and-faith/about-living-love-
wound each other in the process? When the General Synod and-faith

10 The Plain Truth Spring 2021 Find us online at www.plain-truth.org.uk